Originally published 2.6.16
After what happened in Berlin I was wary about seating and chose cautiously a very quiet place to sit. It was true I knew no one.
In Buenos Aires this year on suggestion: if you don't start dancing you'll have come all this way for nothing, I had for a few days accepted guys not far off randomly and wished I had stayed true to my first instincts. The trouble is in the first few days you don't know the guys, the whole culture shock takes a while to get used to and I couldn't distinguish the men so well. I'd track one I liked as he escorted the woman off the floor, I'd track him back to the guys section in the crowd - and suddenly I'd lost him. You scan a sea of men roughly the same age, same height, same grey hair, same pale shirt, same specs and either you don't accept until things start to fall into place (my initial and regular approach), or you accept randomly and regret it.
But I was soon back to my normal self and planned to be as careful in Stuttgart. I sat - and stayed - at the back of the bar on the seating side. I had a glass of wine and a prosecco on an empty stomach. With so many new faces I found it difficult to keep track of who danced how and where they were sitting. Few had any base and moved from spot to spot to invite but mostly on the mobbed side of the bar.
After what happened in Berlin I was wary about seating and chose cautiously a very quiet place to sit. It was true I knew no one.
In Buenos Aires this year on suggestion: if you don't start dancing you'll have come all this way for nothing, I had for a few days accepted guys not far off randomly and wished I had stayed true to my first instincts. The trouble is in the first few days you don't know the guys, the whole culture shock takes a while to get used to and I couldn't distinguish the men so well. I'd track one I liked as he escorted the woman off the floor, I'd track him back to the guys section in the crowd - and suddenly I'd lost him. You scan a sea of men roughly the same age, same height, same grey hair, same pale shirt, same specs and either you don't accept until things start to fall into place (my initial and regular approach), or you accept randomly and regret it.
But I was soon back to my normal self and planned to be as careful in Stuttgart. I sat - and stayed - at the back of the bar on the seating side. I had a glass of wine and a prosecco on an empty stomach. With so many new faces I found it difficult to keep track of who danced how and where they were sitting. Few had any base and moved from spot to spot to invite but mostly on the mobbed side of the bar.
The physical conditions regarding seating/lighting/proximate invitation were some of the most difficult I can remember and at night, with lower lighting, about the worst imaginable for me personally. Most people did not seem to need this though or feel the same about the conditions. There was none of the culture shock of Argentina but I found the conditions for dancing far harder in Tango Loft. I had not, however, found separate seating or at least, as in Gricel, same sex tables difficult in Buenos Aires. I found them in fact often a welcome relief from the European way.
All in all once in the milonga besides tired I felt overwhelmed, ill at ease, defensive. I simply wanted a quiet place to relax, listen, watch and take it all in. I wanted time to try to adjust to or at least understand conditions I shied away from. Yet many guys expect you to want to dance very soon and are puzzled when you do not. I saw one or two other girls in the area with tables and chairs near me who looked as though they felt the same. It was clear like me they wanted a table, but apparently felt ill at ease, alone at it. I would have too which is why I chose the bar. The others not in groups or couples were around on the other side of the bar in the wash of guys and girls coming and going from the floor, some girls staying beached on the stools. So until things became clearer I did not seek and actively avoided some invitation I sensed from guys coming too near or who I had not seen dance or who I did not want to dance with, or when the music was not what I prefer. Unsurprisingly, I was left alone and did not dance.
But in Tango Loft, although usually happy in my own company I did not feel peaceful. Knowing I was observed not to accept guys added to the pressure. Was I sealing my fate for the weekend? In some cases I think it proved so. Guys I thought had hovered on Friday were not interested the next day, or perhaps they never did hover. I knew it was right not to mind or care about such guys but it still bothered me.
Indeed, the next day a guy from whom I foolishly accepted a too proximate invitation said he had seen me the night before not dancing, only watching - all night. What had I been doing? I felt obliged to explain myself but did not want to even if, like him, I had been inclined to chat while dancing.
After changing my shoes to leave I stood near the entrance and felt the wave of heat, expectation and atmosphere hit me as dancers left the floor at the end of the tanda to drift in that partnerbörse in the hope of catching a ride out to the dance floor. It was powerful stuff, but it isn't how I like invitation to happen and so I hadn't had the inclination to join it.
After changing my shoes to leave I stood near the entrance and felt the wave of heat, expectation and atmosphere hit me as dancers left the floor at the end of the tanda to drift in that partnerbörse in the hope of catching a ride out to the dance floor. It was powerful stuff, but it isn't how I like invitation to happen and so I hadn't had the inclination to join it.
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